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Success in Life
Happiness is all in the Mind
Most of the world’s money is spent in some form or another on making people happier. Indeed, happiness is the underlying motivator for most actions and is probably the motivation behind most of your goals. However, if you are relying on achieving your goals to make you happy, you could be letting happiness pass you by. Not only is happiness a goal, it can also be a way of life. Some people even find that achieving their goal does not deliver the degree of happiness they thought it would, discovering that they actually enjoyed the process of achieving the goal more. Ideally, happiness should be an essential part of your journey in life. If you say to yourself, I shall be happy when I get X, or when Y happens, think again. Why are you putting such obstacles between yourself and happiness? Instead make happiness your goal for every day. Your happiness does not depend on your getting what you think you need or want, rather it is a product of how you live your life right now.
Your Focus Determines Your Results
Consider what you are focusing your attention on, are you looking for happiness? I suggest you aim to increase your level of happiness every day, make it the focus of your attention now, rather than a distant contingent possibility. After all, happiness is an inner state of mind. Rich and poor, healthy or sick, young and old can all be happy or unhappy. I agree with Abraham Lincoln’s assertion that most people are as happy as they make their minds up to be. You have the power to choose your emotional state.
Interpreting Events
Remember that it is your interpretation of events and actions that gives them their meaning, which in turn leads to an emotional reaction within you. You can change your emotional state by changing your interpretation of events, avoiding over-generalisations, exaggerations and catastrophising in your thinking, (please see the article on Assertiveness - managing your feelings). If you are feeling depressed, unduly unhappy or angry about something, look to see what you are telling yourself about it. You do not have to feel this way about an event, look to see why you have chosen this way of thinking? Perhaps you think it might help to motivate you in the future or you may think it is the ‘correct or good’ way to feel in such circumstances? Consider it more effective to accept how life currently is and put your energy into finding ways to improve it for yourself and others. Some things in life can be changed, others simply must be accepted but you do not need to make the situation worse by making yourself unduly upset about them.
Notice how you can change your emotional state simply by recalling a pleasant or unpleasant memory. The good news is that you can harness this power of the mind and use it to put yourself into a happy and confident state whenever you want. Use anchoring techniques to help you create a positive mental state, you may wish to engage a Success in Life NLP practitioner to teach you this technique.
You Can’t Control Others, Only Yourself
If your happiness depends on how others see you, you are in for a rocky ride. Remember you cannot control others but you can control yourself. Let others think what they wish, they will anyway and it really isn’t any of your business. Trying to please everyone is impossible, it will run you ragged and is doomed to failure. Instead, please yourself by setting your values and beliefs and remaining true to them. Thus you will find inner strength and confidence that does not rely on the fickle approval of others.
Similarly, do not build your self-esteem upon the unstable and shifting foundations of status and possessions. These too can come and go in an instant. It is who you are inside that remains with you, so why not concentrate you efforts here as well. We agree that it is great to have the external trappings of success, it certainly helps to make life more enjoyable and a great deal less stressful, but it is not everything. Create a bedrock of inner acceptance and you can treat possessions as things simply to be enjoyed instead of false measures of your self-worth.
Self-Love
Love your neighbour as your self, but to do this you must first love yourself! A major element of happiness is self-acceptance. If this depends on your behaving perfectly in all situations, or on your achieving all your goals, then you are in for an unhappy life. To be human is to be fallible, we all make mistakes, despite how much care we take. I would question the need to rate or value yourself at all, accept yourself as a fallible human being who just is. Consider yourself some-one who is trying to make a happy life for themselves as best they can. If you must rate something, only judge your behaviours and be careful of the criteria you use. Consider if your actions are good for you, others and the environment. As long as you reconcile your actions to such ideals you shouldn’t go far wrong.
There is No Failure, Only Feedback
If you find your actions are falling short in one area, acknowledge this and find a way to grow and improve your actions in this regard. Do not beat yourself up about the past as it cannot be changed no matter how much your berate yourself. Instead, use it to awaken yourself to the possibilities of the future so you do not miss those by indulging in an orgy of self-pity, guilt or self-loathing. Forgive your past errors, if necessary make reparation and ask forgiveness from others (although this may not always be forthcoming) but what matters most is self-forgiveness. Learning from the past and trying to improving as you move forward is an admirable goal. I believe that everything you experience is for a purpose and is part of your course in life. You can learn and grow from every event, I refer you again to Viktor Frankl if you doubt this. As the ancient philosophers once said, there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.
The Only Real Time Is Now
Aim to live in the moment, do not dwell on the past or live always for tomorrow but be aware of this moment in time as it is all you truly have. Do not agonise over the past, learn from it and move on. Live fully now and become more aware of everything around you and within yourself. Learn to enjoy the small pleasures that come your way and have some fun as you progress. They say laughter is the best medicine, it is certainly a tonic for the mind, so enjoy yourself. Plan treats and pleasurable activities in your life, make them happen. Read funny and uplifting books, watch a comedy, enjoy a joke with a friend. Put a smile on your face and notice the reaction it brings from others.
Live Your Bliss
I believe happiness can be found by following your purpose in life. Identify and follow your life’s dream, happiness is bound to follow. This is why Success in Life coaching places such emphasis upon identifying your true course in life, regardless of fear, other’s opinions, and a myriad of possible obstacles that blow people off their life’s course. If you are working towards goals that inspire and excite you, your life will become alive and a joy to live. This is more than just chasing fun or momentary pleasures that quickly pass, the pursuit of which can leave you exhausted, broke and empty inside. That is not to say that pleasurable activities cannot make life more enjoyable but they are not meaty enough to be an alternative to living your life’s purpose. Their enjoyment passes with the event, and usually leaves you hungry for the next fix of fun (be it drugs, sex, gambling, or other potentially addictive sources of temporary happiness).
Create An Environment You Love
A way to promote your own happiness is to take charge of your environment. That may be the physical environment you live in, such as your home, work, local community or the planet, but also and perhaps most importantly, the people you mix with. Many people prefer to live in a reasonably tidy, ordered environment which includes elements of beauty and joy. So why not create the home you want and work to maintain it to a high standard. Caring for your local community can benefit many others as well as yourself, so look around for projects you can become involved in. Helping others is one of the best ways to promote self happiness! It is one way to forget your own troubles and bring joy to others. It may even help you to appreciate your blessings which so many of us take for granted. Happiness is one of those rare commodities that the more you give, the more you receive back in return. You will probably never know how the seeds of your own thoughtfulness and kindness can grow in others, spreading joy and love ever outwards. It is in giving that we receive.
Happiness is Infectious
Happiness can be infectious, as can a positive mental attitude, so mix with people who display these traits. If you have friends who are self-obsessed, boring or negative, they will leave you feeling drained and sap your life energy. If you cannot inspire such people to change by your example, leave them behind or at the very least limit how much time you are willing to give them so they cannot unduly tax you. Do not waste too much of your valuable time making others feel better at your expense! Why not refer them to Success in Life Coaching where they can benefit from some life coaching!
Make friends with people who support you for who you are, who aspire to higher goals and who look to the positive in life. Such enthusiasm will strengthen your own resolve, help to lift you in difficult times and will inspire you to greater achievement in life. You will probably find that as you pursue your life goals you will naturally attract such people. You will come to recognise people who are following their dream by their actions and attitudes, their deeds speak loudly to those who have ears to hear.
Count Your Blessings
Don’t forget to count your blessings. You may wish to create a gratitude journal in which you could record all the things to be grateful for each day. At first you may notice just a few major events or blessings but as you persevere, you will be surprised to note just how blessed you truly are. The miracle of life, the wonder of your body, the beauty of our world are all blessings we all enjoy almost heedlessly every day. Reading your gratitude journal can also a great boost for your energy levels and emotional state.
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